That Peculiar Institution

Marriage is a quirky thing. It inevitably makes you fat, emotionally and financially dependent upon another human being, and legally bound to them until...well...the contract ends. Or death, whichever comes first. On that note, it also has a habit of sucking the very life out of you. Things that are "mine" become "ours" and my particular tastes, wants, and desires must to be tempered by my mates'.

Now, I've admitted in the past to several people that had Steve and I lived in the same country we probably never would have gotten married. But our different nationalities made it a requirement. Thing is, I never wanted, or envisioned myself, getting married. Much how I never envisioned myself having children. Perhaps I am just innately selfish, but I abhor the physical and emotional demands of relationships. I'm a loner at heart. And I tend to act, much to my husband's dismay, like a single person. Well, maybe not "single" but more accurately a free spirit in a steady relationship. Some people were designed for marriage; it fits their personality like a glove. For me...marriage fits me like an O.J. Simpson glove.

I hate telling Steve where I am, where I'm going, what I'm doing, and when I will be home. And I often rebel against this marital requirement by accidently leaving my cell phone in the car, or accidently clicking the ringer onto silent, or simply escaping into another world where I have no limits on what I do or where I go.

But I've realized one little thing...if I don't stay on top of it, I really do fall into this funk where my needs, wants, desires become secondary to his. For instance, I am an outdoors enthusiast...Steve would rather watch it all go up in a forest fire. And if I'm not careful (or maybe if I don't nag enough) we will spend consecutive weekends doing nothing but things he likes to do...like sit in front of the computer all weekend.

Recently I've decided to start endulging in activities I enjoy, with or without him. In the past, if it were something he didn't enjoy (like hiking) I would simply not do it because a.) if I forced him to participate he would whine and make the whole experience miserable for each other and/or b.) I didn't want to do things without him.

So...all this to say that in a couple weekends I am doing my first backpacking trip. It is one of those things I've always wanted to do, but have been unable to do with Steve because of his sleep apnea (sp?). Its a 2.5 day excursion into the wilds of Tennessee in ball/ovary freezing temperatures, roughing it with nothing but the bare essentials for survival. Or at least that is the plan. I'm excited. So you guys set your calendars...Steve will be looking for company come February 21st.

Fun Fact: "that peculiar institution" was a nice political euphamism for slavery prior to the Civil War.